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Friday, February 6, 2015

Celebrating Life.

10 Years ago my father was given eternal life.  It was not easy to accept. I was selfish and wanted him here with me until the end of time. I knew he was suffering and slowly loosing his health. I watched him loose part of his eye sight, loose strength, and slowly started seeing his spirit die from all he was carrying  in his heart.  My heart broke, I felt abandoned. I asked the question that everyone asks Why? Why my daddy? why couldn't it be me?  What you don't know is that a month before I had been told that I had a few months left. That I needed to make my arrangements and say my goodbyes. And here I was looking down at my father seeing how his spirit had left this world. I was angry. Not at God but at him, my dad. He had made promises and now I was alone to deal with life.

For the first two years I carried all the pain and anger. Refused to talk about it, refused to acknowledge  that Miracle that had been given to me. The Miracle to have seen my father die a peaceful death. The Miracle to know That he had won his health battle. The Miracle that he had won over his hurts. I slowly started seeing Death not as an end but as a beginning of something beautiful. Five years down the line I was still struggling with health issues. I was battling my own demons. Emotionally I hit rock bottom. I had given up on my self, on life. I wanted to DIE. I felt no point on living. I saw all the hurt my loved ones were experiencing. They were watching me die a very painful and slow death. My body was dying by the second. At that moment I started to pray to strength and joy. I wanted them to remember me not my sickness.

I prayed from the moment I would wake, to the moment I would close my eyes. When the pain was to much to handle I prayed for strength. On the hardest days I can honestly tell you I felt the most Joy and Peace. I started feeling a change, I started seeing a change. Others started seeing a change. My circumstances did not change. My body was slowly dying.  It was a matter of months, weeks. 

Why am I writing this all down, it is very simple because it needs to leave my head.  Today as I was looking at my phone I received a notification that I had Timehop pictures waiting for me.  Being today dad's celebration of life anniversary, I  figured it might be a good Idea to see what I had posted a few years back. Wow I was not prepared to see the pictures that came out. I'm pretty sure the person that took the following pictures was my mom. They are from 3 years ago.  # months in the Hospital one of them in an induce comma and boy was my Abba Father busy during that time.  He healed my scars, not just  in my body but in my heart and soul.

The woman that woke up is a completely different person that closed her eyes and woke up with a complete understanding that I am not alone. I  have an appreciation for life that I never had before. If you are reading this I want you to know that our Abba Father wants nothing less than to heal you. One way or another your prayers will be answered, they may not be answered in a way you want but they will be answer in the best way for you. Don't loose faith, hold on to your faith. Hold on to the Promise, to the truth. Miracles do happen. We worship a Living, Loving God.

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