20/30 stopping at day 20..

20/30.. You would think that at 20 days I would say something negative about this experience, but I have learned so much about my self during this time that it's just not possible. I've had so many health scares and problems that I had no confidence in anything not even my self. I could tell my self  "I can do this, God is with me", everyday and most days would work but there were times that I just didn't allow my self to believe it.

I have struggled most of my life with weight issues which turned into an eating disorder. From eating enough, to not eating, eating with fear, to Living in FEAR. I have grown more in the past 20 days than in the past 35 years of my life. I see miracles everyday. I am a walking Miracle, but so are YOU! Yes you reading this You are a miracle, what you have been through, your experiences, have all made you the person you are. Just because those things make you who you are they DO NOT DEFINE who you are, or who you will be in the future.
 I am not my mistakes,  My sickness, My failures, or my successes.

 

I hear this every week, sometimes twice a day: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I've learned that if I want to see change in my life I had to change. I have been Transforming from the inside and out. I know my journey has just started. I can honestly tell you I am Excited about my future. Life has been so uncertain these past few years and for the first time I am not AFRAID.

Thinking about breaking the fast by Thursday....... well see I'm just going to go with what ever happens. I feel really good, I've dropped some of the weight I had gained due to the medications. I have a different Mind set and my husband also has a different mind set ( Thank you God for that). I have no joint pain, not taking any pain killers, no sleeping pills, no anxiety pills, no other pills to cover all the other effects of taking pills ( vicious cycle). Not thinking of stopping juicing, but going back to a vegan/ pant base diet ( will try to give up on sea food but that is kind of hard for me).  Mentally I'm feeling great. I know I can go on for the next 10 more days. I have proven to my self that food is not in control of me any more. I'm also no longer afraid of food as I was in the past........ still thinking, Will make a decision come Thursday.

Chewing has been on my mind, so Juiced flavored Ice cubes. Thank you God for giving the wisdom to make them.

Having a good day today, looking at recipes for Thanksgiving. I have two dinners to get ready for and so excited about both.

nieces & nephew

Saw this picture of my Nieces and Nephew today, time sure flies if you want it or not. Jasmine the oldest is 10 almost 11 and her whole life she has seen me in or out of a hospital. Even when she was in her Momma's belly she spent a night at the hospital after my First Surgery. She was 2 1/2 when I had my second surgery and when I started having all my complications. Jessica is 6 almost 7 and her Brother is a little over 1. I know they have good memories of us together. Like the Horrible Pancakes I made for them this summer. To making Tamales and Tortillas on the holidays. But I know one of the memories they have is seeing me in the hospital this last time and seeing everyone scared of what was going to happen.



Last Thanksgiving was Amazing Mom got to join us. We were a Family for the first time in a long time. Dad was not physically there ( his ashes were lol) but boy I felt him there every second. I tried to be brave and tried to hide the fact that I was so ill. I was the huge elephant in the room (literally). Not this year. I have been praying on when to break the fast. and my answer came when a friend send me this picture today.

Me @ spirit Fest 2012

See me there? yes the Girl full of Life! Not just happy but see the JOY, That's what I want my Loved one to remember. Me Living life to the fullest. So the decision has been made to stop the 100% juice fast but not the Journey...... stay tuned for more adventures for this Dancing Green Frog!